As a general note, I am everything but a professional speaker/coach, so take these suggestions with a pinch of salt.
I am not religious, but I try to live my life following the “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you” motto, and vice-versa, so I will give my feedback the same way I wish you could one day give feedback to me, that is, without sugar-coating anything (if you need to feed your ego, you can use TikTok for example 🙂
Here we go…
Technical problem #1: microphone dropping volume. I do not think it was a connection problem, because I could still hear the audio, albeit at a lower volume. Please make sure that your gear is working well, simulating the meeting e.g. 30 minutes before the pitch, using the same platform. In this case, open Zoom, create a meeting for just yourself, talk for 10 minutes recording the video, and watch it again: at the end, if something is wrong, you still have 10 minutes to fix it before the meeting starts
Technical problem #2: slides not working. In any context, even one in-person, problems do occur (and having worked in the technical field for 30+ years, I can tell you, it’s called “Demo effect” and it ALWAYS happens!). So, what if your computer stops working, and the printed paper you have brought with you are totally stained by the morning coffee which dripped through your notes? You have a pitch that could be worth 10 millions and… So, as a backup, ALWAYS memorize your speech. Even without slides. It was totally clear to me that, for most of the talk, you were reading either the slides or some notes. It was a 3 minutes pitch, not a 2 hours workshop, so it’s doable 🙂
I understand you were or still are at the incubator level, but if it’s not, it would be nice to have a REAL WORLD example of what you have accomplished. I understand for NDAs or privacy issues you cannot maybe give names, but give REAL examples. Because, to me, not knowing you, well… it was just words. You were saying things like “do not trust xxx and yyy, you come to my platform and can choose who to trust…” but it goes back to the first point: why should I trust YOU in the first place?
Slides. This is valid also for the next speaker, even if I consider your slides more modern looking. The problem is that there is simply TOO MUCH information, so one of two things happen: either the public READS the slides (and DON’T listen to you), or if they listen to you, the public DOES NOT read the slides. So, what’s the point on having them? My humble suggestion would be (as Nathan said) create 2 sets of slides: one, richer, that can be given to the public BEFORE or AFTER (but not DURING!) the meeting with more info, and then the ones shown during the pitch, with basically ONE idea per slide. One picture + one number, or two numbers to compare two things, or a SIMPLE graph to compare two trends. Just as a SUPPORT to your speech.
Small details (I’ve been a book publisher for 10 years so I care about it…) about the text: in one slide you had TOTAL AAAA, TOTAL BBBB, TOTAL Price. Price was the only one NOT FULLY CAPITALIZED. Well, usually you do it on purpose to show a difference, but in this case, there was no difference so please make it all capital too. Furthermore, you have used “we’re” everywhere in the slides. I would rather use “we are”, which is more common in written English and… Well, to me, it looks nicer 🙂
Slides: please read the comment 1 of speaker #2.
Slides way too complicated and, overall, I lost track of “who” was your real public there. In the first slides, you used a lot of (cool, I am kind-of-a-geek 🙂 tech words like JSON, REST API, and so on, which are unknown to middle and upper management. Then, you talked about the founders (like if you are applying for a job and you need to show the CV to the HR guy), and finally you showed some financial projections like if you were talking to the CFO of the company to which you wanted to sell your products or, that was my feeling, to describe your company for a possible merge or acquisition. So, overall, I didn’t really understand who your public was supposed to be. But then, I also realized that maybe the pitch was originally a 30 minutes speech and you summarized it without remaking the slides.
So, again, sorry if I sounded too “direct” but it’s just the way I’d like you to give feedback to me 🙂